40 Best Turtle Jokes For Kids That Are Shell-arious

Turtle swimming in the sea.
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From famous turtles in films and TV shows to the actual animals themselves, there is something really funny about turtles.

You could tie in these turtle jokes with a themed morning, with turtle related crafts, or even try your hand at making your own sea turtles. It could also be an excellent opportunity for teaching awareness of endangered species such as the hawksbill sea turtle - being environmentally friendly, is a great concept to explore with your kids.

On a lighter note, we all know there’s just something so adorable about turtles, and watching them with the kids is sure to make you giggle. But turtles are more than just funny, they are one of the world’s longest-living animals with a great long-term memory. Did you know sea turtles can also stay underwater for up to five whole hours? Although not the fastest swimmers, amazingly sea turtles can swim up to 1900 miles in 23 days.

So, whether your children just love turtles or perhaps they are Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtle fans, we are sure they will love these shell-larious jokes. Here are 40  funny turtle jokes to get you started.

Question And Answer Turtle Jokes

Boy in a sun hat kneeling down to look closely at a turtle.

Get ready to laugh yourselves silly, (or retreat into your shell) with these classic turtle jokes.

1.What do  turtles do on their birthday? They shell-ebrate.

2.Why can’t a turtle eat food from McDonald’s? Because,  a turtle is too slow for fast food.

3.What do turtles use to communicate? A shell-phone.

4.What type of photos does a turtle love to take? Shellfies.

5.What do you call a famous turtle? A shell-ebrity.

6.What do you call a truck full of sea turtles crashing into a train full of terrapins? A turtle disaster.

7.What do you  get when you cross a turtle with a giraffe? A turtle-neck.

8.What do you call turtles who are only awake during the night time? Noc-turtles.

9.Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station.

10.What did the cow say to the turtle? Get a mooove on.

11.What do you call a turtle who loves photography? A snapping turtle.

12.Why do turtles never forget? Because they have turtle recall.

13.What do you call a turtle chef? A slow- cooker.

14.What’s a turtle's favourite sandwich? Seanut butter and jelly-fish.

15.What kind of jokes do turtles tell? Shell-larious ones.

16.What's the name for a turtle with 6 feet? A 6 foot turtle.

17. What’s a turtle's favourite game? Beakaboo.

18.What do you call a flying turtle? A shell-a-copter.

Turtle One Liners And Hilarious Turtle Puns

Who doesn’t love a one-liner turtle joke? They are super easy for all the family to remember.  Here are two hilarious turtle pun picks.

18.I went to the book shop to ask if they had any books about turtles. The cashier said "hardback?" I said "yes, and little heads"!

19.My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle. Unusual name, but she tortoise well.

Funny Ninja Turtle Jokes

Those famous Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are not only the stars of a classic TV show, but they also come with a whole host of dedicated jokes. So if you know a little one who loves the escapades of those heroic, famous turtles, these funny turtle jokes are just for you.

20.What happens if you get into a fight with one of the famous Ninja Turtles? You get shell shocked.

21.Why do teenage mutant Ninja Turtles hate office work? Because they can’t stand The Shredder.

22.What do you call Ace Duck when he’s spying on the turtles? A peking duck.

23.What’s green and goes click click click? A ballpoint turtle.

24.Where did the turtles first encounter the Evil Leatherhead? In the alley-gator.

25.How does the turtles’ friend Usaji Yojimbo keep his hair so neat? He uses a hare-brush.

26.Why did Leonardo put his head in a piano? Because he wanted to play by ear.

27.Why is it difficult for Don to see? Because he’s the undercover turtle.

28.Why did Shredder have a shower before leaving the turtles lair? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

29.Why couldn’t the famous Ninja Turtle cross the road? Because he didn’t have enough turtle power.

Back To The Classics

Three kids sat in front of a wall laughing at turtle jokes.
Image © WavebreakMediaMicro under a creative commons licence.

We couldn't resist sharing a few more funny turtle jokes worthy of an eye roll.

30.What do you get if you cross a turtle and a lama? A turtle neck sweater.

31.What do you get if you cross a turtle and a porcupine? A slowpoke.

32.Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the other side.

33.What does a turtle need to wear when he rides a bike? A shell-met.

34.When’s a turtle not a turtle? When he’s shell-fish.

35.What do turtles do best? Slow dances.

36.What did the turtle say to the taco? Is that my shell or yours?

37.How did the turtle get off his back? He rocked and he rolled.

38.What kind of turtles are the easiest to find? Green “see” turtles.

39.What happens  to you when you wish to buy a turtle? You have to shell out a lot of money.

40.Where do turtles go who commit crimes? To the prison shell-block.

We hope you get some laughs out of these funny jokes about turtles, they are certainly anything but 'dry'!

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