55 Best Doctor Doctor Jokes Sure To Cause A Case Of The Giggles

A red first aid case used by doctors.
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Doctor, doctor jokes are great fun for all ages.

They're simply, snappy and easy to remember. What's more, it seems people have been enjoying them for centuries.

Apparently, doctor jokes have been found in books dating back to Roman times! We've collected together 55 of our top picks. Which is your favourite doctor joke? If these tickle your fancy, it's not just jokes on doctors that we specialise in; we've got jokes for kids on everything from birds to unicorns!

A young boy close up laughing at doctor, doctor jokes.
© Unsplash, under a creative commons licence

1. Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a bell? Go home and take these and if you're not better soon, give me a ring.

2. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you in a minute!

3. Doctor, doctor! I've swallowed my pocket money! Take this and we'll see if there's any change.

4. Doctor doctor! I think I'm a shepherd. I wouldn't lose any sheep over it.

5. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a carrot. Don't get yourself in a stew.

6. Doctor doctor! I think I'm at death's door? Don't worry, we'll soon pull you through

7. Doctor, doctor! Do you have something for a headache? Yes, try this hammer.

8. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of wigwams! Ah yes, the issue is you've become too tense.

9. Doctor, doctor! I get heartburn whenever I eat birthday cake. Next time take the candles off!

Birthday cake with colourful candles.

10. Doctor, doctor! I feel so unwell, is there no hope? It depends on what you are hoping for...!

11. Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a dog. Okay, have a seat. I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture!

12. Doctor, doctor! I've got broccoli stuck in my ear! Looks like you're not eating properly.

13. Doctor, doctor! What happened to the man who fell into a saw and got the left side of his body cut off? He's all right now.

14. Doctor, doctor! Help me - I'm getting shorter and shorter! Wait there and be a little patient!

15. Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a pony? Don't worry, you're just a little hoarse.

16. Doctor, doctor! You told me to drink my medicine after my bath but I couldn't manage it. Why not? Well after I drank my bath I didn't have room for the medicine! 

17. Doctor, doctor! Every time I drink hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in my eye. Try taking the spoon out first.

18. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a sheep. Oh dear, that's baaaaaaaad!

A sweet-looking sheep standing with the rest of its flock on a farm.

19. Doctor, doctor! My daughter has swallowed my pen, what should I do? Just use a pencil till I get there.

20. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains. Oh, pull yourself together!

21. Doctor, doctor, I've got lettuce sticking out of my ear! Unfortunately, it looks like the tip of the iceberg....

22. Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a goat. How long have you felt like this? Since I was a kid.

23. Doctor, doctor! I think I need glasses. I think you must, this is a bakery.

24. Doctor, doctor! What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar! Hmm... I find that hard to believe.

25. Doctor, doctor! Can you give me a second opinion? Sure, come back tomorrow!

26. Doctor, doctor! Aaa, Eee, I, oooh! You... I think you might have irritable vowel syndrome.

27. Doctor, doctor! I've lost my memory. When did this happen? When did what happen?

28. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a spoon. Sit still and don't stir.

29. Doctor, doctor! I'm really worried about my breathing. Don't worry, we'll put a stop to that.

30. Doctor, doctor! I can't stop thinking I'm a bridge. Hmm, I wonder what's come over you? 12 cars, three bikes and a bus, so far!

31. Doctor, doctor! I think I have insomnia. Sleep at the edge of the mattress, you'll soon drop off.

32. Doctor, doctor! My nose runs and my feet smell! Sounds like you may have been built upside down.

33. Doctor, doctor! I've just swallowed a roll of film. Come back tomorrow and we'll see what's developed.

34. Doctor, doctor! People keep ignoring me. Next please!

35. Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I might be a caterpillar? Don't worry, you'll soon change.

A small orange caterpillar on a person's little finger.
© Krysten Merriman, under a creative commons licence

36. Doctor, doctor! I keep hearing ringing in my ears. Whatever you do, don't answer!

37. Doctor, doctor! I think I'm suffering from Déjà Vu! Did I not see you yesterday?

38. Doctor, doctor! I keep seeing insects spinning around me! Oh yes, there's a bug going around.

39. Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a moth. You don't need a doctor, you need a psychiatrist! I know, but when I was walking past your office I saw your light was on...

40. Doctor, doctor! What's the quickest way to get to hospital? Go outside and lie in the road.

41. Doctor, doctor! I've think I've become invisible? I'm sorry, I can't see you now.

42. Doctor, doctor! Every time I stand up too quickly, I see Donald Duck and Micky Mouse. How long have you been getting these Disney spells?

43. Doctor, doctor! I have the strangest feeling that I've turned into a packet of savoury biscuits. Oh dear, you've gone crackers.

44. Doctor, doctor! I think I've swallowed a fish bone. Are you choking? No, I really did!

45. Doctor, doctor! They've taken me off the cricket team, they all call me butterfingers. Don't worry, what you have isn't catching.

46. Doctor, doctor! What can you give me for the wind? Try this kite.

A multi-coloured kite flying high in a blue sky.
© Jerry She, under a creative commons licence

47. Doctor, doctor! I've broken my arm in two places. I would try not to go back to either of those places, then!

48. Doctor, doctor! I've only got 59 seconds to live! Just hang on a minute, will you?

49. Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a thief. Have you taken anything for it? Yes, a bike, a laptop and two TVs.

50. Doctor, doctor! I have a strawberry stuck in my ear. Don't worry, I've got cream for that!

51. Doctor, doctor! I’m afraid of Father Christmas. I think you’re suffering from Claus-trophobia.

52. Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking there's two of me! One at a time, please.

53. Doctor, doctor! I've heard exercise kills germs, is that true? It might be, but how do you get the germs to exercise?

54. Doctor, doctor! Will this ointment get rid of these spots? I never make rash promises...

55. Doctor, doctor! You have to help me out... Of course. Which way did you come in?

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